I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He passed out mid-signature
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Randomize