when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
