The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this will be a night to untag.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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