i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
