i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
