Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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