Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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