Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
