I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
