but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
