you traded sex for a burrito?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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