I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
