we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize