I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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