You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
