before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize