how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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