Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Church boner. Awkwardddd
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
