why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
