i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
