Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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