I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
