why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
