He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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