Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
