We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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