how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
