Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
