her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
