I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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