There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize