What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
