a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
