Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
