Redeem this text for a blowjob
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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