hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
