We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize