Already got asked if we're dating
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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