I think I won the penis lottery.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize