i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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