it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
