I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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