Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
