You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
