My room smells like vodka and shame
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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