all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
