The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
