Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
