Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
