i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
