Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
