Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
