my sisters under your porch take her home
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
