if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I need moral support for this bender
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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