I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize