Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
