I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
