i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
