i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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