Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
