Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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