After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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