I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if only i could text you this smell
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
