dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
