My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
