Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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