i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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