I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
