ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
